Expectation of the Inevitable
by The Maiden of Mayhem
Summary: Bella's time is up...and a decision must be made. Oneshot no longer.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or its characters...the goddess we know as Stephenie Meyer does.

**Chapter 1: Dead**

You always hear about people dying instantly in car accidents so, as I lay here slowly bleeding my life out over the asphalt road, a tiny corner of my mind is filing away these horrible moments under a mental post it note labeled "irony". I really can't get over the sheer unfairness of the situation…but maybe that's because instead of the blood rushing to make my brain function as it normally would, it's spilling out of the deep gashes all over my body with every stuttering heartbeat. Apparently not every hellish car accident kills its victims quickly; sometimes it throws them through the window of their antique, red tank of a truck and then allows them to bleed to death instead.

It's odd, really; before now I've been in hundreds of clumsiness-induced accidents and they've never killed me. Albeit those accidents weren't _car_ accidents…they were more like trip-and-falls, broken bones, or the other hundreds of things that have happened to me on account of my inherently ungainly nature. Now though? Well now I'm staring up at the typically cloudy sky of Forks and wondering how on earth after all I've been through up until this point in my life, I'm going to die not because of my clumsiness, but because some Mack truck driver was paying more attention to the radio or the fast food he was eating than to traffic signals. I feel a slight, dancing pressure on my face and as my eyes blur I realize it must have started raining. My eyes are open and staring but now that they're blurred with raindrops, I suddenly feel as if I'm ensnared within my own mind, unable to reach the outside world.

Trapped in my mind as I am, I can't seem to get away from the intense, gnawing pain I feel even to the roots of my hair. I can't cry I don't think…my body isn't responding to any signals I try to give it. It's probably too wracked by the pain in every nerve ending to really respond to anything else. I can't bend my neck to look down at my legs but I know they must be mangled beyond belief. One doesn't just soar through one's windshield and not notice when their legs are torn to shreds and broken from the sudden stop as clunky old truck meets speeding Mack. How did it happen? How did I go from listening to one of the measly three radio stations Forks offers and looking forward to seeing Edward after another of his family's weekend "camping" trips, to lying in a road slowly bleeding to death? Life is many things: beautiful, horrible, absurd and severe…but above all, it's short.

You see, I have been intensely aware of my humanity ever since I met my beautiful Edward; falling in love with a vampire has a way of making a girl take the passage of time into closer consideration, after all. Until now, though, I have never understood just how fragile we humans are. In two seconds I have gone from driving to see my beloved Edward to loosing him forever. I always knew I would die first…I just didn't realize it would be so soon.

I take stock of my body, though it feels like one big ache and not separate, feeling parts anymore. My legs are going numb…my grandmother always said you die from the feet up and I guess her little superstition was right. My body shudders from the pulsing pain that only further sends the odd, stabbing sensations up my arms and down my shattered spine. Funny…where exactly did my legs go? I feel my stomach and chest heaving, my labored breathing only further damaging what must be shattered ribs. My face feels as if it's become an unmovable mask. Red has slid into my realm of blurry vision…that must be the head wounds.

I hear a distant siren wail across the air ghosting over my nerveless face and I wonder how long I've been here, splayed across the road like a butterfly pinned up for drying. I feel bitterness towards those colorful insects suddenly. Why do they get such an easy death? They get a little whiff of formaldehyde and expire painlessly in a glass bottle…so why do I have to lay here on cold and now, wet, asphalt dying slowly, excruciatingly? Belatedly I realize I can still smell…smell the revolting stench of my own blood and the clear rain I once hated but now have come to love. Rain means no sun, and no sun means Edward.

All at once, memories of him come in a torrent, crashing against the walls of my mind. Edward at school. Edward shopping with me. Edward laughing at me tripping over my own feet. Edward learning to cook so he could "feed the human". Edward at his house showing off for me on the piano. Edward leaning forward to ever so carefully breathe in my scent in and claim my lips as his. Always his. I've never been anything but his, after all. Tears rapidly spring to my eyes…apparently I _can_ still cry. The feeling injustice of my dying here suddenly comes over me. I'm nearly never without Edward; he is always by my side. He is my protector and is eternally possessive of me, never letting me out of his loving sight. Why then, on one of the rare weekends he leaves me to go hunt, must this happen? Why can't I die in my beloved's arms as I was meant to? I was supposed to convince him that being a vampire like him and the rest of his family is what I truly wanted most…I was meant to die in his arms, with his venom running through my veins, changing me into what he was. So maybe I hadn't exactly convinced him it was the right course of action…but I had been working on it.

Where was Edward now, I wondered? He was supposed to be home from the hunting trip 30 minutes ago and I was supposed to meet him at his house to work on, of all things, a pointless science fair presentation. We were partners. Now the idea of Forks Highschool and its worthless science fair were so insignificant to my current situation I pressed it from my mind. I had better things to think about than whether or not we'd think up something creative or go with the generic volcano model so many students always fell back on. Another shudder of pain passed through my body and I noted it seemed weaker. How long have I been lying here? Five minutes? Ten? It can't have been long…I'm bleeding too much for it to have been much longer than that.

Without warning I feel the cold and sticky pavement covered in my blood fall out from under me as I'm lifted in strong, steel arms. I feel damp, chilly hands brush hair matted in blood from my forehead and suddenly the rain is no longer hitting my face. Instead, as my vision clears from the rain and mess in my eyes, I notice my savior and I are draped under what must be a raincoat. I glance up and meet beautiful topaz colored eyes, eyes that are looking at me with the most resolute expression I think I have ever seen. I realize with a mental jolt that I'm not in the arms of my Edward as I had first assumed. Edward doesn't look at me with a face devoid of the intense love I know he feels for me. While the face that stares down at me holds obvious concern and care for me, it simply doesn't hold the unfathomable depths of love Edward's would.

Other than the eyes the face seems haloed in a fuzz of blurry light and I try to croak out the one thing I want most in the world at the time: Edward. Only the name never comes. My mouth barely opens and the muscles of my throat clench as a thick froth of blood escapes its corners. I belatedly recognize the voice of my savior to be Carlisle's, Edward's father. He hushes me with a finger to my lips. I can't understand what words he mutters to me but by the cadence of his voice, I realize he's trying to comfort me. Oh Carlisle…don't you realize I'm not afraid? I'm too close to death to be afraid anymore. It's coming whether I like it or not and there isn't an ounce of panic in me. In fact, I feel oddly at peace. The only anxiousness that gnaws at me comes from the fact that my beloved isn't here. Where is Edward?

Carlisle gathers me to him and I feel his easy stride move us away from the horrible wreck that idiot driver caused for us both. I hear quick footsteps and shouts from behind us as Carlisle distances himself from the wreck and I feel a sudden heat build from the direction we came from. Without warning, an enormous and earth-shattering explosion sounds from the wreck site that I'm sure would have knocked Carlisle off his feet were he human. As it is, he doesn't even stumble but my ears are ringing now, only adding to the seemingly unending pain my body is feeling. My dying body gives another weak quiver of pain and my eyes begin to close, probably for the last time. With a sort of muted shock I realize I won't ever see Edward again. I should cry but my eyes won't produce the tears needed anymore. I'm starting to feel cold, and I'm certain it's not just because I'm in the arms of a vampire. I feel Carlisle dropping to his knees and reaching to pat my face lightly, bringing me back to awareness as he whispers words I can't hear. My vision clears again for a split second right before I completely black out…only for the last thing I ever see to be Carlisle lifting my bloody wrist to his strong, white teeth and biting down.

AN: Please click that little review button...I wanna know what you think!


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2: Alive**

Unlike waking from a deep sleep and finding yourself still shaking off a dream, when I woke up, I was completely aware all at once. My body seemed to have not only lost the intense stabs of pain since the last time I was conscious, but developed two times as many nerve endings as normal. My body was humming. I glanced around the room I was in and immediately had to stop and rub my eyes in shock. Everything was _glittering_. As I opened my eyes again I gasped as Alice and Edward suddenly appeared in the doorway. My heart jumped into my throat at the vision the two of them presented. Let me say this: I have known Edward for almost a year now and I have taken every opportunity to study both the his beauty and that of his family and never before had I ever seen them looking so…ethereal. They seemed to glow in the dim light from the lamps around the room and I blinked several times in rapid succession before accepting there must be something wrong with my eyes. In a split second the two heavenly beings were by my bedside…or couch-side as I now realized the case to be.

As soon as he reached me, Edward had my hands folded in his. "How do you feel, Bella?" he asked me in the saddest voice I had ever heard. I was shocked to hear new depths to his beautiful voice and was too confused at the immense changes I seemed to be experiencing in what seemed to now be both my vision _and_ hearing. My lack of answer seemed to worry Edward further. "Bella? Bella…please say something," he begged me.

"Edward?" was the most intelligent thing I could come up with. Everything he said seemed to reverberate in my head and the echo was throwing me off.

"Yes, love," Edward replied in an anxious voice, "You were in a horrible accident. Bella, you were…" here his voice cut off in a half sob and Alice placed a calming hand on his shoulder.

"Bella, do you remember what happened?" Alice asked kindly, her eyes shining with thinly veiled worry.

Once my brain caught up to what Alice had said, I thought back to before I had woken up. What on earth had brought me here? I remembered pain and broken glass and, oddly enough, raindrops? Above all though, the pain stood out in my memory. I had been hurt. How? Oh yes…the accident. Headlights charging towards me and then abrupt, unending pain brought back the memory of my intended death. It all suddenly rushed back to my mind in multi-colored, digitally restored agony. Ouch.

"There…there was an accident?" I said half uncertainly, although I knew without a doubt what had happened. Edward, his eyebrows drawn together over concerned, anguish-ridden eyes, nodded.

"Yes. You…you almost died, Bella," he said in a tortured voice. "I tried to let you go, Bella…but…I…they wouldn't…I'm so sorry, Bella." Edward's torment was obvious and I reached out a hand to comfort him when his eyes darted to it and fixed upon it resting on his arm. His strange behavior made me uneasy and caused my gaze to follow his own. With a gasp I realized what he was staring at…my hand was as translucent and glowing as his arm, if not even paler. I felt my eyes grow huge and my breathing stop. What…what was this? How could this be? With frightened eyes I looked up to meet Edward's gaze. He stared impenetrably at me for a long moment before gently, almost pityingly nodding. I was stunned. I knew there was no other explanation for what was happening to me but the fact that I was now what Edward himself was: a vampire.

"How?" was the only question I could force out for the hundreds of emotions running through me.

"They kept me from you," he said fiercely, with a malicious look to Alice. For her part, Alice turned her eyes downcast and seemed to find the carpet suddenly riveting. Edward again caught my eyes and held them with a look of sincere distress. "I tried to come to you, Bella…I fought them but they wouldn't let me. You have to believe I didn't want this for you, please, Bella…believe that."

My mind was racing. "What?"

"Emmett and Jasper wrestled me and held me here when Alice first had the vision. She saw you dying and Carlisle and Esme ran to find you," he explained with barely restrained anger. Alice had the gall to look offended.

"Edward, stop!" Alice cried with fury "You know our reasons and if you'd just let yourself admit it, you're happy she's finally with us…instead of in the hospital morgue!"

Edward stood quickly and snarled at Alice, who just as quickly knocked her chair to the floor and growled back. In the blink of an eye Carlisle and Esme were at the door with Jasper close behind and the pair in the center of the room froze.

"Both of you…sit down now and act civilized!" commanded Carlisle with a tone that brooked no arguments.

"Honestly, you two. We trusted you to explain things to Bella and you act like this to one another. I really am disappointed," stated Esme, ever the mother. I sat on the couch, frozen and watching the goings on with confusion. I had obviously been made into a vampire like the rest of Edward's family…but what on earth had actually happened? Edward had been kept away from me? I remember wondering where he was and wanting him with me for all the world before I last closed my eyes. If I was actually the same as him now, why was he so upset? I understood he never wanted me to be a "monster" as he put it, but _he_ understood this happened to be thing I most wanted in the world.

Esme glanced over to me and seemed to come to a conclusion. "Everyone up. We'll talk about this downstairs together. After all," she smiled at me, "Bella is truly a member of this family now…it's time we explain everything to her." The three vampires at the door left to go downstairs and Alice cast a long look towards Edward before following them out.

"Hold onto my hand, Bella…you may not be human anymore but you'll probably be shaky on your feet until you get your bearings," Edward said in a tight voice as he offered me his hand and pulled me to my feet. He was right. I felt both light as a feather and as heavy as granite all in one moment. I swayed. Edward held on to me tight as I took a few tentative steps. I felt as if I weren't really walking but gliding across the floor with Edward at my side. Unexpectedly a laugh of surprise burst from my mouth and I smiled at Edward. Worried and tense as he seemed to be, his mouth tilted up in the half-grin I love so much.

"What?" he asked with curiosity.

"I…I feel like I'm floating," I answered quietly. Edward's current mood was confusing me and I felt as if I had been cast about on a fluctuating sea of emotions. Confused and frightened one moment and excited and happy the next, I was overwhelmed.

Edward squeezed my hand. "You'll get used to it quicker than you think, I promise," he said with a hint of sadness in his voice. "Come on…let's get downstairs and get explanations out of the way. I'm not in the most pleasant frame of mind where my family is concerned, if you hadn't noticed," he said dryly. I nodded in answer and all too soon we had floated down the stairs --without a hint of my previous tendency towards tripping-- and into the living room. Six patient vampires were waiting for us on the plush couches and chairs arranged around the sprawling room. As I looked at each of their varying expressions I became even more confused. Alice looked upset, Jasper worried, Emmett and Rosalie both…cheerful? Then of course there was the more understandable mothering looks to Edward from Esme and Carlisle's concerned glower for the entire situation. Edward led me to a loveseat in the corner and sat beside me calmly, though I got the distinct impression he was ready for a fight.

"Well, Bella…as I'm sure you've realized, many things have changed in the course of the past couple of days," started Carlisle. He looked searchingly at me and I felt as if he were waiting for me to say something significant, maybe scoff at his statement of the obvious, but my mind was still consumed with the simple fact I was finally a vampire. Met only by my silence, he continued, "Two days ago, as we returned from the mountains, Alice had one of the most violent visions we can remember. The vision was of your death, Bella, and Alice assured us we would be too late to help you. The very moment you flew through your windshield we were racing here from miles away from Forks even though Alice told us she was positive you wouldn't survive."

"We were faced with the decision of either letting you die as you were meant to or…turning you. It was clear in all our minds," here he gestured at the rest of the family, "that for Edward's happiness as well as your own we would bring you into our family. Edward, however, expressly forbid us to go near you. He fought us tooth and nail but we, as I said, had already determined that the best option for everyone concerned was to change you." Carlisle paused a moment and searched my face before continuing. "Please, Bella, you must understand we didn't make a rash decision…we all were aware of your desire to become a member of our family and to be able to truly be with Edward as an equal. If we weren't sure of your decision we would have let Edward make whatever choice on your behalf as he would…but when it came down to it, we decided as we did. And so Edward was restrained by Emmett and Jasper while Esme and I left to find, and hopefully save you."

For the entirety of Carlisle's account of what had happened Edward had slowly become more and more tense and now seemed unable to restrain himself any longer, and now jumped to his feet.

"You took our choice from us! You all say you did it for mine and Bella's happiness, but how could you possibly pretend to know what would make us happy! In fact, every one of you knew I never wanted this for Bella! You knew!" Edward raged. Edward's words seemed to hang in the air for a moment before every member of his family reacted at once. Six voices rang out in a cacophony of confusion which only quieted as Esme finally raised a hand and silenced them all. To me, it sounded like over the last couple of days this old argument had repeated itself several times, but Edward's vehemence concerning it hadn't lessened at all.

"Edward," she began with an understanding tone "we all wanted you to be happy…and while Bella's decision may have been taken from her, we all knew her heart. Edward, you know she wanted to be with you more than anything in the world. I think the issue here is not what choices were taken from her…but rather that we took the choice from you. But please, Edward…understand we did it for your ultimate happiness as well as all our own. I love Bella as one of my own and I think it's not a stretch of the imagination to say that we would have all grieved for her dearly." For his part, Edward paced across the carpet and seemed to have not heard Esme at all.

Carlisle decided to take up his explanation of events and once again turned to Bella. "When we found you, you were beyond help. If it had been within my power to have saved your mortal life know that I would have, Bella. By the time we had found you, though…even my years of healing the sick and dying couldn't have saved you. The truck you hit was transporting gasoline so Esme and I felt the best option was to take you with us and cover your death with the explosion. We took you back here and by the time we arrived the poison from my bite had spread too far to be undone, not that Edward didn't try." Carlisle tried to meet Edward's gaze but the latter refused and instead returned to sit next to me, hands clenched into white knuckled fists at his side.

The room was silent for a tense moment. "Well at least the explosion was the best Forks will probably ever see," interjected Emmett with a smirk. "The rest of us could see it all the way from the house". Edward glowered ferociously at his brother from across the room.

A look passed between Carlisle and his wife and Esme took up the thread of his tale before another fight could break out. "You had bled so much that the transformation only took two days instead of the standard three and it seemed you were unaware of the pain for the most part. Your body reacted weekly to the venom in your system but you had been so close to death when you were bitten that we think you didn't feel much of the change." Esme looked kindly into my eyes. "Do you remember much of it?" Esme asked concernedly.

Still trying to comprehend everything this explanation meant for me, I absently shook my head and spoke for the first time. "No…I remember closing my eyes back when Carlisle was holding me and then nothing else. I…I don't think I was aware of the change at all," I said softly with a cursory glance at Edward. What was he thinking? I was confused and still trying to get over the shock of the fact that I was a vampire but there was an underlying happiness I knew would bubble up after the stun of it wore off. I was finally what I always wanted to be ever since I met Edward. I could finally be his equal in all things and I would never grow any older…I would be with my beloved Edward forever. Deep down I knew I was glad for the risky decision Esme and Carlisle had made, but on the surface I was too shocked to let it truly sink in. Edward seemed angry and unhappy at the change though…didn't he want me by his side? I knew he was upset about the circumstances…but couldn't he be happy that we could truly be together now?

Carlisle broke through my thoughts when he started talking again. "Bella, we would love if you would stay here and become a true member of our family. In fact, we insist upon it. There are so many changes you have undergone that you are not even yet aware of and it's important you stay here so we can help you acclimate to your new life. It…won't be easy. You already know our lives are very different from those of mortals and even others of our kind."

"You were already family in name, Bella…but now you're family in blood," Alice spoke up from across the room. While she grinned next to her siblings, I could tell a cloud was hovering over everyone in the room…and it was because of Edward.

I nodded and tried to smile at Alice and the others but I was worried Edward was going to let go of his careful control soon so I turned to him and decided to face everything head on. "Edward," he glanced up at me with a sad expression as I caught his gaze, "I love you more than anything. You know that. I…I've wanted this for a long time. And while I know you never did, it can't be changed now. Edward…I would be _dead_ now if it weren't for your family. Please, Edward…I know you're mad but…I think they were right. They did the right thing." I let the rest of the unneeded air in my lungs out with a whoosh as I finished my short speech. I wanted to hear him say he was even the tiniest bit happy I would be with him forever. I wanted him to tell me he still wanted me, inhuman and immortal as I now was.

"Bella…," Edward trailed off. He grasped my hands in both of his and took a large, unneeded breath as he started again. "Bella I may never have wanted this for you, but I'm too selfish not to be happy for what they've done. I'm just…" he glanced at his family, "I'm just so angry I couldn't come to you. I understand why they did what they did but the manner in which it was done I'm absolutely livid about. I know for a fact that they all feared I would let you die and then be miserable for the rest of my long life out of a sense of morality that you should never become what I am, but honestly…I'm not sure. I don't know if I would have really let you go or not…but the choice should have truly been mine. I'm angry the choice was taken from me. But, Bella…you'll stay won't you? Stay with us…and be with me?" By the end of the sentence his voice had wound down to a mere whisper and only with the aid of my new supernatural hearing was I able to catch the last part.

Equally as quietly I gave my reply, "Edward…of course I'll stay. I never want to be apart from you. I don't think it would be possible for me to leave you." I turned to the rest of them and more loudly said, "Thank you. I don't think even I realize how great a gift you've given me, but…thank you all." My gratefulness seemed to break through the tension palpable in the room. Everyone, even Rosalie, smiled back at me with relieved smiles that gave away just how worried they had been to see my reaction.

As his family looked on with pleased smiles, Edward drew me into his arms and held me tightly. "Oh, my silly Bella…you'll never understand how happy that makes me." Then, for the first time ever, Edward leaned in without hesitation or restrain and gave me my first non-human kiss.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3: Changes**

Midnight found Edward and I curled up on his leather couch, Debussy playing steadfastly in the background. I had stopped watching the clock on the wall tick away a couple hours ago… time just seemed inconsequential now. After a year and a half of constantly watching the clock, waiting for time to swallow me up and take me from Edward with all its swift moving alacrity, not worrying about the passage of time was refreshing. No longer was I constantly nagged by the thought that eventually Time itself would steal Edward from me. After the family meeting had broken up with the decision I was to stay and become a member of Edward's family, I had felt a vast weight disappear from my chest. Not only was I now as eternal as my true love…I was just as unbreakable and powerful as him.

Slowly stroking hands found their way confidently up and down my back, soothing me into the most comfortable rest I had ever felt. While I didn't feel tired or a need to sleep due to my newfound vampirism, everything in me was experiencing an utter _stillness_. It seemed that even though it was now impossible for me to sleep, I could still be stuck in a dream. How else would all these seemingly impossible and wonderful things be really happening? I certainly wasn't in a state of shock any longer, but it wouldn't be truthful to say my head was completely out of the clouds. My existence was perfect at the moment and it seemed everything on the outer edges of my mind that threatened worry weren't really all that important.

Upon first reaching his room, the first thing Edward did was sweep me up into his arms, only to deposit me onto his couch. For hours we had simply rested in each other's arms, unwilling to let go. After the initial kiss downstairs which had been met with smiles from the family and cat calls from Emmet, Edward hadn't stopped kissing me. Every couple of minutes another sweet and irresistible kiss would be placed upon my lips…and every time my newly dead heart felt as if it would burst. Even though Edward was free now from any worry of killing my very breakable, mortal self, he seemed cautious to not encourage anything _too_ involved. I understood perfectly. Everything was so new now…and Edward was making sure I could handle it all. While once upon a time this might have irked me, I was in complete agreement with our current decision of not pressing our relationship further before everything had settled. He was right to be cautious…even as relaxed and free from worry as I felt, I knew the realization of everything that had happened would eventually come crashing down upon me. And when the inevitable awareness of just how much my life had changed dawned on me, I wanted Edward by my side.


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer**: Stephenie Meyer owns the plot and characters of Twilight and New Moon…I am simply using them for my own amusement.

**Author's Note**: This chapter could be considered a little gory so if you don't like mentions of blood and the slaying of innocent forest creatures, beware. Thank you so much to all of you who have reviewed…you are the reason I'm continuing the story. The constructive criticism and lack of flames is an author's dream! To those of you that want to know about the Volturi and Jacob Black and when they'll show up…next chapter is the one you've been waiting for. Sit tight and review and it'll be out sooner rather than later! Thank you so much, everyone! Lots of love to you all!

TheMaidenof Mayhem

**Chapter 4: Reality Dawns **

It was odd being so relaxed yet unable to fall asleep. I suspected that if I weren't so happy curled up with Edward as I was, I might find the situation annoying simply for its newness. As it was, I was perfectly content. Mostly. Over the past hours in which Edward and I had done nothing but sit and rest with one another on his couch an…_itch_ had begun to nag at me. I wasn't sure what it was but it had steadily grown to an ache over the hours. Edward obviously could tell I was restless because he had begun to watch me out of the corner of his eye. As the typical early morning rain set in over Forks, I shifted for the fifteenth time to try and get comfortable again. Edward had had enough.

"Bella, I think we should go out," he stated matter-of-factly with a quirk to his lips. I sighed and lifted my head from its position on his shoulder. He had wonderful shoulders. Not that I hadn't noticed this before. I can't count the times I had studied his perfect form, but now that we were…well…the _same_… it was different. We were the same cool temperature now and his marble skin had a softer, human quality now that I was just as unbreakable as he was. Edward ripped me from my haze of inattention by clearing his throat. When I looked up at him with a tinge of annoyance he raised an eyebrow.

"You're restless…anything the matter?" He asked with an almost-smile. I found myself intensely riled by that quirk to his lips and stood up suddenly.

"No. Absolutely nothing is the matter. I just…" I trailed off and shot a glance at him. He was still giving me that obnoxious grin. I tried to ignore it and walked over to his CD shelf. Putting in one of Edward's mixed CDs, I glanced out the window to my right. Pre-dawn light was just starting to peak past the trees but the gloomy fog of Forks was discouraging it as best it could. I sighed again. What on earth was wrong with me? I'm not an individual that could be classified as jittery but I was most definitely on edge. I paced over in front of the couch where Edward was leaning back seemingly enjoying my annoyance. Suddenly a burning anger sprung up within me.

"Why are you looking so damn smug for?" I grated out. The animal growl that accompanied my words surprised me just as much as it seemed to do Edward. Sitting up straight in the blink of an eye, Edward was on guard.

"Bella, I think we need to get out of the house for a bit," he said concernedly.

"Sure," I bit out with unnecessary irritation lacing my voice even as I wondered to myself why I was acting this way. I felt a boiling heat under my skin with the feeling that usually accompanies forgetting something very important and not being able to remember what it was. I felt as if I had somewhere to be or something extremely important to do but for the life of me I couldn't figure out just what that was. I took a deep breath and tried to calm my startling temper. I ran a restless hand through my hair and snuck a look at Edward. Standing next to the couch now and studying me with an intense stare, he was watching me as if he knew just what important thing I had neglected to do.

"You need to feed, Bella," he said softly as he walked towards me. I looked at him so quickly were I still human I would have had whiplash.

"What?" I asked uncertainly while at the same realizing exactly what he meant. I was a vampire. At some point I would have to start drinking blood and apparently that point of time was now. Edward reached me and tentatively grasped my clenched fist at my side.

Carefully loosening each finger from its death grip on my palm, Edward clasped my hand in his and brought it to his lips. "You're a brand new vampire. You're restless because you need to feed. You need to learn to hunt. Don't worry, Bella…I'll show you what to do and I'll be with you the entire time," Edward whispered.

I looked at Edward like a deer in the headlights. "But…I'll faint," I said dumbly. Edward chuckled at me and drew me into a warm hug.

"Silly Bella…you're not human anymore. I'm willing to bet you any amount of money that blood will most definitely not have the same effect on you as it did," he quietly breathed into my ear. The impatient agitation lessened as relaxed and leaned into his embrace.

"Edward, what will it be like?" I asked softly.

"Fast. It will be over quickly. It's natural instinct for our kind. You won't even

have to think about it…your senses will take over and you'll know what to do," he explained while soothingly running my long hair through his fingers.

"Alright," I said with a shaky sigh, "Let's get it over with."

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The car ride was quick and I wanted it to last longer than it did. Another first since becoming a vampire, riding in Edward's car was much different than it had been. My newly immortal eyes caught everything outside the car even though we were driving at 110 miles an hour down the twisting roads that bordered Forks. Edward's typical speeding didn't frighten me as much anymore…it seemed slower to my new eyes and body but the residual human fear of dying was still with me. We stopped on the same dirt road that we hiked to our meadow from and as I recognized the spot I hoped we weren't going to tarnish our memories of it with…hunting. I had the intense fear that hunting wouldn't be as natural for me as Edward made it out to be and the last thing I wanted to associate our meadow with was blood and death.

As Edward opened my door for me, I gracefully stepped out from the car with an ease that still surprised me considering my inherent human clumsiness that had been with me my entire life up until now. Edward smiled softly at me and took my hand. As impossible as it was for Edward to read my mind, it was as if he had suddenly discovered a route to my inner thoughts because he began to lead me in the opposite direction of our meadow and I squeezed his hand in thanks. We walked in silence, our preternaturally light footsteps barely making any sound as we hiked. After ten minutes of walking, Edward paused and turned to me.

"Breathe in. What do you smell?" he asked. I confusedly took a deep breath and was met with the intensely earthy smells of the forest around us. Unlike earlier in our hike however, a warm rich scent accompanied the deep leafy fragrance of the trees around us. Surprised, I met his gaze and he squeezed my hand reassuringly. "There's a herd of deer," he said barely above a whisper, "We're down wind from them but they're close. I'm going to walk up with you to where the trees clear into the glen they're grazing in."

"You're not coming with me?! Edward you said you'd stay with me. I won't know what to do!" I said pleadingly. I wasn't ready for this. I was going to kill an animal. I'd never killed anything in my life, much less something as innocent and harmless as a deer.

Edward held my shoulders and fixed me with a calm gaze. "You'll be fine, Bella. I'm not leaving you but hunting is something you need to learn on your own in order to survive. You're instincts will take over for you. Don't think, just act," he reassured me.

I took a deep breath and the same scent that I now knew to be that of deer filled my nostrils and venom filled my mouth. The ache from earlier that had made me so restless grew into a raging throb that I could now identify as a new type of hunger. Instead of settling in my stomach as human hunger did, the need for blood felt as if it were pulsing through my veins, my entire body. I dropped Edward's hand and without another word I glided towards the direction the scent was pulling me. I vaguely heard Edward following quietly behind but the haze of hunger that the deer's scent had awakened in me was now like a driving force that propelled me towards the glen. Moving more stealthily than I had ever dreamed I could, I stalked towards the clearing. The scent grew stronger and the sweet taste of venom again poured into my mouth. When I laid eyes on the targets of my obsession my mind was lost.

Coherent thought left me and as Edward had reassured me would happen, instinct took over. Without thought or predetermination, I darted towards my intended prey. Grasp. Hold. Bite. Bite. Bite. I bit down. Holding a struggling doe to me, the strong animal was weak as a kitten compared to my inhuman strength. I heard the crunch of bones and it made some animalistic part of me purr with content. The blood poured into my mouth and I had never tasted anything like it. Better than any food I had ever eaten yet so different, the deer's blood was like an elixir. I gulped mouthfuls of the thick liquid and it seemed to have a drug-like effect on me. The restless, twitching hunger in me slowly abated but didn't completely leave me. After some measureless amount of time my mind began to come back to me and the pleasure slowly turned into an agonizing reality.

My vision cleared and I stared with sightless terror at the carnage I had caused. The black, dead eyes of a deer peered lifelessly at me. I had broken its neck and its twisted carcass was laid across my knees, a tumble of fragile bones and soft tawny fur. My hands weren't made of fingers but claws and with them I was grasping soft flesh in an iron grip that had proved fatal to my prey. I couldn't breathe. I opened my mouth in a silent scream and in the blink of an eye threw the dead deer from me and shuffled away from the bloody mess. I had killed and I had liked it. No. Loved it. I reveled in the pain and death of a defenseless creature. I stared at the remains of fur and flesh and dry heaves overwhelmed me. Coughing, I attempted to rid my body of the blood I had hungered for so very much. Tears wouldn't come. They never would again…that was a mortal thing. Sobbing and gasping, I wrapped my dirt smudged arms around my blood-stained dress and dimly wondered if Alice would forgive me for ruining the white sundress she had dressed me in this morning. Suddenly I felt strong arms wrap themselves around my middle and try to pull me up. I struggled to stay where I was, to keep staring at the horrible thing I had done, but the arms I belatedly realized had to be Edwards were tugging me up onto my feet. The fight left me and Edward hauled me into his arms, murmuring indistinguishable, soothing words. I wasn't soothed. I coughed and sputtered but nothing came up. I couldn't undo the death but I didn't want the blood anymore. Couldn't I rid myself of it…or was it already running through my veins? With deep seated horror I hung limply in my angel's arms and fought back the sobs. Holding my back close to his chest with one arm, Edward blocked my vision of the butchery with his other hand.

I don't know how long we stayed like that but I simply sobbed dryly without tears and fought the terror inside of me. Silently, he stood there until my sobs and retching died away and rainfall took its place. I made a passing mental note that it was slightly poetic. I couldn't cry so the sky was doing it for me. Edward turned me around to face him and wordlessly gathered me into his arms bridal style. In a slow and graceful march he approached the woods from the direction we had come. As Edward carried me, I felt disgusted with myself. Utterly disgusted. I had _known_ a week ago, a day ago, that this is what I absolutely wanted. Now I understood. I was a monster. I was a creature that took life in order to live. If I was to survive, I had to kill. Until now the thought of being like Edward and not growing old had consumed my mind and I had thought of nothing else. I had thought of the consequences of leaving my humanity behind me but I had passed over the hunting. Without the worry of having a guilty conscience for human lives on my hands, I had passed over the equally horrific notion of killing other living creatures instead.

Without my noticing we had reached the access road and Edward opened the car door and carefully set me in the passenger side as if I were made of glass. As if I weren't a marble monster. He was saying something to me in whispered, urgent tones but I simply didn't catch it. There was a sort of odd buzzing in my ears that blocked out rational thought. I realized Edward gave up on shaking me when the sudden wracking movement I hadn't been aware of stopped. Wet and freezing but not shivering as a human would, the only notion that kept running through my mind was that I was a monster. I was a _monster_. I was feared by other living creatures because I was a predator. It was a part I had acted out well. When I had sat curled up in blissful ignorance on that couch with Edward last night I had known that reality would eventually hit. And it had. Reality had come swooping down like a blazing comet into my night sky. My eternal, endless night sky. Reality wasn't caring but it was swift. Like a slap to the face, a lightening bolt, a nuclear meltdown…reality had struck.


End file.
